


Going under

by DorianWilde



Series: Fools [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Angst/Romance, Huntbastian, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-24
Updated: 2013-04-05
Packaged: 2017-12-06 08:32:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/733643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DorianWilde/pseuds/DorianWilde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They have rules. After almost four years together they are firmly established. To the rest of the world they are friends, because honestly, trying to deny that wouldn't fool anyone. Besides, Sebastian absolutely refuses to be introduced as anything less. (Sequel to Everybody's fool and Let's play pretend)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: If you don't want spoilers, don't read. Okay? Character death, violence (noting graphic), depression...ish. Well, it's angst, so you should have figured that last one out. And yeah. That's pretty much it.

**AN: This story is completed and will have five chapters. For warnings, check chapter summary.**

**If you like this, do check out the prequels** Everybodys Fool **and** Let's Play Pretend.

**-'-'-**

They have rules.

After almost four years together they are firmly established.

To the rest of the world they are friends, because honestly, trying to deny that wouldn't fool anyone. Besides, Sebastian absolutely refuses to be introduced as anything less.

They don't show affection in public, because they're  _friends_.

On Sunday evenings they have go out and have Sunday dinner, just the two of them.

Hunter dates the occasional girl so Sebastian fucks the occasional guy, never the same person twice in both cases. Because at the end of the day, they want what they already have.

Love.

They have finally admitted it. They're a couple, they love each other and they want to be together.

Most days anyways.

They don't tell anyone because people talk, and Hunter can't stand people talking about him. At least not about that. And if people talk, sooner or later it'll reach Hunter's parents and his old friends from Colorado Springs. And that would equal disaster, according to Hunter.

Sebastian hates it. To stand it, he's come up with some rules of his own.

Sundays are 'Shirtless Sunday'. No shirts allowed until they go out for dinner. If Hunter refuses, Shirtless Sunday is followed by Maniac Monday, where Sebastian spends the entire day driving Hunter mad by rearranging his drawers, putting glasses on the table without a coaster underneath and, as happened one very memorable Monday, dyes Mr Puss fur pink.

Tuesdays are Terrible Tuesday, because the weekend is so very far away, which means bad-movie night, a bucket of popcorn and cuddling.

Sebastian have yet to come up with more weekday rules, but he's working on it. They have also told Sebastian's father about their relationship. Sebastian doesn't like to keep big secrets from him, and, well, he'd just needed to tell  _someone_. He's so proud to be with Hunter, even though Hunter is not proud to be with him.

Sebastian put the last box down on the floor. Finally done. Hunter shut the front door behind him with a tired sigh. He hadn't changed much since high school, hair a bit shorter, shoulders a bit broader, face a bit older.

"Welcome home," Sebastian grinned, looking around  _their_  apartment with a small sense of awe. They'd graduated Yale two weeks ago, leaving New Haven to visit their respective families and pack their remaining stuff.

"New York, baby!" Hunter cheered, running up to the window, as if to make sure it's really true. They'd been so lucky Sebastian's father had managed to get them an apartment here, in Manhattan, in fucking New York city. Samuel Smythe had bought Sebastian the apartment without batting an eye, insisting nothing else was good enough for his only son. Sebastian felt a surge of affection for his father, suddenly missing him. It wasn't the pain he felt when he thought about his mum, but still, Nevada was far from New York.

"This is amazing," Hunter breathed, turning towards him grinning. Sebastian loved to see him like this, no pretences, no masks, just Hunter being himself. His  _flatmate_  walked up to him, putting his arms around his waist, nuzzling his throat, before leaning his face against his neck. Sebastian held him close, letting himself be swept away by Hunter's excitement. As always, he felt smug about being slightly taller than his boyfriend, and knowing Hunter resented it made him love it even more.

Sebastian began pressing kisses on the top of Hunter's head, the side of it, nipping his ear. Hunter's breath puffed against his neck as he laughed. Turning his head, Sebastian began pressing kisses on his face, hands sneaking up under his shirt.

"Bas, I'm disgusting.  _We're_  disgusting," Hunter protested halfheartedly, trying, and failing, to look stern. He'd adopted Sebastian's childhood nickname years ago, after he'd heard Samuel use it.

"You're right. We should shower," Sebastian said, beginning to back him up towards the bathroom, Hunter laughing.

 _Their_  bathroom.

"We should at least find our towels first," Hunter insisted between kisses.

"I'll dry you off with my tongue, no probs." Hunter's back hit the bathroom door, Sebastian pressing him up against it. "I promise I'll be thorough." Framing Hunter's face with his hands, he deepened the kisses, cutting off any further arguments.

Emerging from the shower, Sebastian deduced having their own apartment was great so far. He sat down on the edge of the bathtub, looking at Hunter while the other frowned at his reflection.

"More hickeys, Bas," he sighed, though not angrily.

"Just marking my territory," Sebastian drawled. "I should be able to do that in some way." The last part unintentionally came out sounding really bitter. Hunter turned towards him frowning.

"Sebastian-"

"Leave it." He stood. "I'm not having this discussion again. Not now." He walked out of the bathroom, shivering a bit, body still wet from the shower.

Our  _apartment. Mine and Hunter's. That means something._

Not bothering getting dressed, his clean clothes are in some box anyways, he walked into his room. Because of course they had separate bedrooms, having only one bed would be difficult to explain. Pulling his bedclothes out of a big plastic bag, he began making the bed, distracting himself from his thoughts. He's aware of Hunter watching him from the doorway, but he can't make himself look at him right now. He's angry. He gets so angry, so _frustrated_  sometimes.

_You choose this too._

There was no denying that. He could have told Hunter to fuck off, he had told him that their first week at  _Yale_ , when he'd still been so hurt after graduation and a silent summer. He'd even told him a few times at  _Dalton_.

But one of them always came back and this whole wonderful mess began again.

"Bas." Hunter touched his back gently.

"Don't say you're sorry," Sebastian rasped, throwing his pillows onto the bed. "I'm just-"

"I know." Hunter took his hand, turning him towards him. He'd put on a pair of boxers, suspiciously similar to a pair of Sebastian's. "I love you." He kissed him chastely.

"Love you back," Sebastian said quietly.

_I wouldn't be here if I didn't. I wouldn't put of with this if I could spend my life without you._

"I am s-"

"I said don't," Sebastian snapped. Hunter carefully carded his fingers through Sebastian's moist hair.

"How about, you're very distracting, please put some clothes on, and by the way you promised to help me dry off?"

Sebastian's lips quirked up."How about I don't put some clothes on, dry you off and make you very distracted?"

"That... is a very good plan, mr Smythe."

"I went to  _Yale,_ mr Clarington, as well you know."

"I can tell, not everyone can come up with master plans like that," Hunter said, giving him an impressed look.

Sebastian's smile faded. "You'll be sleeping in here though, right?" He hated asking, hated that he had to ask, hated that it made him feel so fucking vulnerable. Hunter looked taken aback.

"Well, yes I- I sort of figured-" He kissed Sebastian. "I sort of figured that was the plan?" Sebastian relaxed.

"Just checking," he said.

"The other bed is just for show."

"I... figured. You think we can make Mr Puss sleep in that bed?" he said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Like you'd let him."

-'-'-

"And that's the entire tour," Hunter said as they returned to the living room.

"It's lovely."

"Thank you mother."

"How do you like New York so far? You've been living here for..." She narrowed her eyes in thought. "Almost three months now. My, how time flies."

"I like it very much," Hunter smiled as the front door opened. "Oh, hi Sebastian." Was it just him, or did that come out sounding awkward?

"Hi." Sebastian gave Hunter a nod, a polite  _fakeawful_ smile on his lips. "Mrs Clarington." Another nod. "I'll be out of your way," he said, walking into the kitchen.

_I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry._

"Not very sociable, that one," Hunter's mother remarked.

"He's just started his new job, lot's of new impressions," Hunter told her. "He's been exhausted all week," he lied. "He just need a time out on his first day off." Truth was, Sebastian loathed Hunter's parents. It wasn't personal, just the fact that they were one of the reasons they needed two bedrooms. He'd told Hunter it felt false, talking to them, pretending he was something he wasn't, so he'd rather not talk to them at all. That conversation had been the beginning to one of their worst fights so far.

"Oh? Where?"

"It's an advertising agency," Hunter answered vaguely, knowing his mother wasn't really interested. He wanted to keep going, to tell her how excited Sebastian had been when he'd gotten the call, about Sebastian's boss being really pleased with him, and how good he was at his job, how proud Hunter was of him. Instead he said nothing, keeping his polite mask on, listening attentively to his mother like a good son.

"I see. And how do you like your internship?" Hunter had gotten an internship at another advertising agency, though he worked in a different branch than his boyfriend.

"It's great." He forced a smile, wondering if Sebastian could hear their conversation through the closed door. Suddenly he felt sick.

_I need to get out of here._

"Let's go out for lunch," he said hurriedly, taking her arm.

"But she's only eleven," his mother protested.

"I thought we could go for a walk first." Hunter forced another smile.

"Oh, alright."

-'-'-

"Have fun with your mommy?" Sebastian was lying on Hunter's bed, gently petting Mr Puss lying on his chest. The two of them had really taken to each other, Hunter was a bit jealous to be honest. They'd lived across the hall from each other in college, and Mr Puss had suddenly moved from Hunter's room to Sebastian's, to everyones great amusement.

"Yeah." Hunter nudged him to make room, curling up next to him, arm across his stomach below the purring cat. "I'm exhausted," he said, putting his head on Sebastian's chest, nuzzling the cat's soft fur.

"Sightseeing is hard on the body," Sebastian drawled. Hunter sighed contently as Sebastian began threading his finger's through his hair.

"Mmm." Hunter rubbed his face against his chest. "How was work? Didn't get a chance to see you last night. Or this morning, I left kinda early to pick her up."

"It was fun. The after work too, it's a fun gang. Apparently our boss is retiring in a few months."

"That sucks."

"Mmm."

Hunter was half-asleep when Sebastian spoke again. "Missed you." Hunter tightened his arms around him briefly.

"Me too," he mumbled.

"Don't drool on me." Sebastian pulled playfully at his hair.

"Shut up." Hunter quickly wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "So, Shelia called earlier."

"The one with the fluffy hair?" Sebastian asked. Hunter squashed his annoyance. Sebastian knew very well who she was, Hunter had showed him several pictures.

"That's the one. She and the gang are coming to visit soonish. In two weeks maybe."

"I'll go visit my dad," Sebastian immediately said.

"Stay."

"No."

"Bas."

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"Sebastian. Please, for once, make an effort to get to know my friends," Hunter said tiredly.

Sebastian had managed to avoid Hunter's friends from Colorado throughout college, for the same reason he avoided Hunter's parents. It made Hunter feel furious and guilty at the same time, because he got why he was doing it, but he was still pissed off about it.

"Will you tell them?" Sebastian asked.

Hunter closed his eyes, the guilt winning out. "No."

He wanted to, but he couldn't. No matter what Sebastian claimed, he couldn't, because what if they all turned their backs on him? Or started to act differently,  _treating_  him differently. Talked about him, calling him stuff behind his back. What if he lost them completely?

 _What if you lose_ him _?_  The thought made him tense up for a second.

"Then why bother?" Sebastian said acidly.

-'-'-

_I hate these stairs._

Shelia sneaked a glance at Pete, tall and gangly with jet black hair, and Corey, shorter but still tall and muscled with ginger hair and some adorable freckles, walking behind her. If they didn't complain, then neither would she.

_Finally!_

She eagerly knocked, practically bouncing with excitement. Pete gave her an amused smile, ruffling her light brown curls. She mock-glared up at him, the glare a bit less effective as she only reached his shoulder.

"Hunter!" Shelia threw herself around his neck as soon as he opened the door, the guys standing behind her, unable to walk past as she clung to her best friend. It was their third visit to New York, but it had been a few months since the last one and Shelia had missed him so much.

"Hi!" He hugged her tightly to him, before stepping aside to let them all in. "This is my flatmate, Sebastian." He gestured towards a guy their own age sitting on the couch. Sebastian's hair was slightly gelled, he'd dressed in black jeans, a matching blazer and dark green t-shirt.

_Cute!_

Shelia shot him a smile he completely ignored. They hadn't met him before, he was always out of town or otherwise occupied whenever they visited.

 _Since Hunter likes him, I'll make an effort to get to know him,_  she decided.

"Charmed," Sebastian drawled, briefly taking his eyes of his e-reader.

Hunter quickly installed his old gang, Pete, Shelia and Cory, in his room, two in his bed, one on the floor, himself on the couch in the living room. "I was thinking we could go out to dinner tonight, and party tomorrow," Hunter suggested as he pulled out some spare pillows from his closet.

"Sounds great," Shelia enthused. She loved New York. Before Hunter moved here she'd only been here once, and when he'd told her he was moving here she'd been ecstatic, exclaiming 'I'll visit you everyday!' And now she'd seen New York in the summer, New York in the winter and she was about to experience New York in the spring.

"Bas, you coming with us?" Hunter asked as they walked back into the living room.

"No. I've got  _fun_  plans," Sebastian drawled, throwing his e-reader on the couch beside him.

_Why are the hot ones always divas?_

"She hot?" Pete tried to joke. Shelia rolled her eyes as Sebastian gave him a cool smile.

"Yes, he is." Complete silence greeted the answer. "Problem?" Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

"Of course not," Pete said quickly, a bit flustered.

_Well, at least I know why he didn't smile back._

"Guess I'll see you later," Hunter said quietly, looking at Sebastian who had picked up mr Puss, ignoring Hunter in favour of petting the cat.

_How can Hunter live with such an asshole?_

"Mmm." Sebastian reached for the remote to the TV, not saying anything else as they walked out. After walking down three flight of stairs Hunter patted his pocket.

"I forgot my wallet," he said, running back up the stairs.

"Do you think it bothers him?" Pete asked them as soon as Hunter was out of earshot.

"What?" Shelia asked distractedly. Hunter was acting weird, but why?

"You know. Sebastian being gay," Peter clarified, making a face.

"What's wrong with that?" Cory asked, looking surprised.

"As long as he doesn't try anything with me," Pete muttered. "We should look the door tonight."

"Don't be daft," Cory said with an eye-roll. Shelia was considering smacking Pete for being an idiot when Hunter came back down.

"Got it!" Hunter held up the wallet, jogging down the last steps.

"You need to exercise more if that small run makes you face flush like that," Cory teased him.

"Let's go," Hunter said loudly, ignoring the comment, and the four of them left the building.


	2. Call me when you're sober

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunter's friends finally meet Sebastian. AN: I'd like to suggest you guys listen to Evanescence's "going under" and "call me when you're sober" as these songs inspired this story.

**_Sleep. Sleep sleep sleep, Sheila._  Sheila turned over, giving up with a sigh.  _I might as well get some water._ **

Yawning, she padded across the floor of Hunter's bedroom and was silently making her way to the kitchen when the lock on the front door clicked open. She stopped, feeling guilty, like she'd been caught in the act of doing something forbidden for some stupid reason. She hadn't left the small corridor that led to the bedrooms, standing a few feet from the doorway to the living room, invisible.

"You're back late," Hunter said softly as Sebastian closed the door behind him. Sheila'd assumed he'd been asleep on the couch.

_Obviously not._

Sebastian seemed to have had the same thought. "You still up?" he asked, taking his headphones out and putting his phone on the small table by the door. Hunter shrugged.

"Couldn't sleep." He got up and walked over to Sebastian. If she leaned just a little bit forward she could see both of their profiles. "She's almost four you know. You could've texted me or something."

"Yes mother," Sebastian snarked, hanging up his jacket. "Figured you'd be to busy with your  _friends_." Shelia didn't like the way he said friends, like they were ranked lower than cockroaches.

"Bas, come on," Hunter sighed, pulling his fingers through his hair.

"Look, I tolerate them being here. They're important to you, you're really good friends and blah blah blah. But don't expect me to hang out with them," Sebastian snapped. They kept their voices low, had Shelia not been standing where she did she wouldn't have heard them.

"Why do you hate them so much?" Hunter asked tiredly.

"Why do you keep asking?" Sheila's eyes widened as Sebastian gently caressed Hunter's cheek. Hunter sighed again. "Let's go to bed," Sebastian murmured.

"Bas..." Hunter closed his eyes.

"You can go back to your fucking couch later if that's what you want." Sebastian pressed a kiss to his cheek, his jaw, his neck.

_What the-?_

"We'd wake them." Hunter made no move to stop him, accepting a kiss on the lips, leaning into it. Sheila realized her mouth was hanging open. Closing it, she continued to stare, barely able to believe her eyes.

_Hunter, honey. We need to talk._

"We'll be quiet," Sebastian promised, burying his hand in Hunter's hair, putting the other in the back pocket of his pants.

"How would we explain it if they caught us?" Hunter's voice was a bit breathy.

"By telling them the truth?" Sebastian suggested dryly, kissing his neck.

_The truth? What truth?_

"Sebastian, stop." Sebastian ignored him, instead kissing him on the mouth, backing him up against the front door. Hunter clung to him for a few moments, breath hitching, then forcefully shoved him away. "I said stop it," he hissed.

"Why?" Sebastian hissed back. "Why can't I come home to my boyfriend and fuck him? What's wrong with that?"

"Because your fucking boyfriend has guests."

_Wait? What? Boyfriend?!_

"Because my fucking boyfriend is a closeted little cunt with balls smaller than his own cat's."

"You know why I can't tell them," Hunter whispered vehemently.

"Cause you're scared. Well guess what, they're not your real friends if you think they'll dump you for taking it up the ass-"

_Uh, graphic._

"-and loving it. Why, you might actually say they know me better than they know you because at least I'm honest," Sebastian sneered, taking a step towards Hunter.

"Screw you," Hunter snapped, backing.

"You know, I think I'll find someone who's willing to do that," Sebastian snarled, snatching his jacket down again.

"Bas, come on." Hunter went from angry to pleading in a heartbeat, tugging at Sebastian's sleeve. Sebastian glared at him, jerking his arm away.

It felt so weird, seeing Hunter like this. He never begged. He never showed much emotion at all, always strict and proper.

"Don't. If I can't even be with you in our own home,  _our_  home, Hunt." Sebastian paused, then forcefully kicked the wall. "Then why the fuck do I even bother?" he continued with a short, bitter laugh.

"It's just this weekend-" Hunter tried to reason, just standing there in the middle of the room, eyes never leaving Sebastian.

"Well that makes it all right," Sebastian scoffed sarcastically. He opened the door.

"Bas-"

"Will you stay with me? No sex, just sleep next to me for a few hours?" Sebastian asked, his back to him. When Hunter didn't answer, he shut the door without a backward glance. Hunter stared at it for a few seconds, then walked back to the couch sitting down, nestling in his blanket.

Shelia's head spun.

 _Hunter and Sebastian are a couple? Hunter is_ gay _? Or more probable bi. And he's scared to tell us about it._

That last part really hurt. She'd thought he knew her better than that. She couldn't speak for the others, but Hunter was one of her best friends, they'd grown up together. And if being with Sebastian was what he wanted, well... As long as he was happy, she was happy.

Except he didn't seem very happy at the moment.

Hunter had his head in his hands, and she wasn't sure but she thought he might be crying, it was hard to tell as he had his back to her. She hadn't seen him cry since Mr Puss had ben run over by a bike and nearly died, and then it had only been a few silent tears she'd pretended not to see because she knew he'd be embarrassed. She'd just decided to make herself known when the front door opened again. Hunter's head shot up and he quickly wiped his cheeks.

"Forgot my phone," Sebastian muttered, picking it up from the table. He glanced at Hunter and frowned. "Hunt... are you crying?" he asked softly. Hunter shook his head no. Sebastian closed the door and walked over to him, touching his cheek. "Yes you are," he said gently, kneeling in front of him. Hunter shook his head again, trying to turn away but Sebastian held his head in place, forcing him to face him. He wiped Hunter's cheeks with his thumbs, looking at him until he looked back.

"Weren't you going somewhere?" Hunter finally said in a raspy voice.

"You want me to go?" Sebastian said coldly.

"No. Of course I don't want you to go. It-" he interrupted himself.

"What?" Sebastian played with his hair, Shelia wished she could see Hunter's face. She could barely make out Sebastian's in the dim light.

_They look so sweet._

"It kills me when you leave, and I know you'll let others touch you even though you're mine," Hunter said in a clipped tone. "I can't sleep until you're back here, with me, mine. Until you're mine again. They'll have you but you're mine, and I hate it that you share yourself so easily when I really can't see anyone else but you." Hunter forcefully turned his face away. "I'm tired. Don't listen to my fucking ramblings-" Sebastian kissed him, pulling him towards him until Hunter slid off the couch into his lap, straddling him with his back against the it.

"I love you," Sebastian breathed. "I love you so fucking much."

"Love you back." Hunter pressed their foreheads together, then kissed him again. "I'm so sorry, Bas. You know I-"

"It's fine." Sebastian slid his hands under Hunter's shirt, leaning his head against his shoulder. "We'll be fine," he murmured, running his hands up and down Hunter's back. Shelia was fighting her bad conscience, feeling like she'd slipped into a very private part of Hunter's life that she  _really_  didn't have a right to see, but she still wanted to see it, understand someone she'd thought she knew. "I just miss you."

"I'm right here." Hunter pressed a kiss to his hair.

"No, you're not," Sebastian sighed. "It's fine. I choose this too." He gently pushed Hunter off his lap, standing up. "I'm going to bed." Hunter stood as well. Shelia took a step back to keep herself hidden, she could still hear them if she concentrated but she couldn't see them.

"I could stay," she heard Hunter murmur. "Just for a few hours."

"Don't bother," Sebastian said shortly.

"Bas. Please let me stay with you."

_What's going on?¨_

She wanted to sneak a peak, but didn't dare.

"Come on then, killer." Sebastian sounded resigned. Shelia quickly snuck back to Hunter's bedroom, water forgotten.

-'-'-

They'd managed to convince Sebastian to tag along on Saturday night, Shelia suspected he felt guilty about the fight she wasn't supposed to have seen.

How she and Sebastian wound up at a gay-club, she wasn't sure. They'd gone to get some food, then Sebastian had insisted she'd let him show her 'the other side of New York' and here they were. Guys making out with guys, girls with girls. She tried not to gawk, succeeding better now than two hours ago. Sebastian had left her to her own devices about an hour ago, flirting with a cute brunette. She'd briefly seen them on the dance floor, where she herself had been shakin' her booty, tongues down each others throats. She felt a bit confused about that, considering what she'd seen yesterday. Then again, Sebastian had been on his way out yesterday to 'find someone to screw him'.

When the guy finally left, Shelia had danced up to Sebastian, tapping him on the shoulder.

"I need air," she yelled at him. He took her hand and led her through the crowd. The air was wonderfully cool outside. She really loved spring nights. They walked a few steps away from the club, sitting down on a bench, Sebastian lighting up a cigarette.

"That guy someone you know?" Shelia shook her head when Sebastian offered her the smoke. In all honesty, she hated cigarettes, but she didn't want to be  _that_  person, so she kept quiet.

"Yeah. His name's Blaine. I wanted to nail him in high school, but he was oh so committed to Kurt. When they finally broke up in our senior year, I had other stuff to do than him." Sebastian smirked.

"So you don't usually do... that." It felt a bit weird talking about this, Sebastian was after all supposedly dating her best friend.

_It doesn't make sense._

"I don't usually kiss strangers. It's to intimate." Sebastian took a drag from his cigarette, eyes following a couple walking past.

"You... don't kiss strangers because it's to intimate, but you fuck them?" Shelia said sceptically.

"Mm." Sebastian took another drag. What about Hunter? she wanted to ask.

"So," Shelia licked her lips.

_Here goes nothing._

"I bet Hunter likes that you only kiss him." She held her breath. Sebastian didn't react at first, then he slowly turned to look at her.

"Sorry?" he asked, a polite smile on his lips. "I think you've confused reality with one of your fag hag fantasies," he said in a condescending tone.

"I saw you last night." Shelia pushed her straightened hair over her shoulder. "When you came home. Twice," she added, because she still felt kinda guilty so she should at least be honest.

"And?" Sebastian asked, voice neutral. He took a long drag, closing his eyes.

"And I am so fucking mad at Hunter!" she exclaimed. And at you for hurting him, she didn't add.

"Why?" He looked curious.

"For not trusting me!" She got up and began pacing back and forth in front of the bench. "He's one of my best friends and he's, he's kept this huge part of himself secret." She made a frustrated gesture. Sebastian watched her, face once again blank. "Are you his first boyfriend?" she asked, because it just struck her he might not be.

"Shouldn't you ask Hunter that?" Sebastian drawled.

"Fine. I will." She crossed her arms over her chest. "How long have you guys been together? Because you are together, right?" she added, hesitating. Sebastian had after all been on his way to hook up with someone else just a few minutes ago.

"Yes, we are," Sebastian said shortly. "We have an understanding."

"Understanding?"

"If Hunter can't commit to me, I won't commit to him."

"As long as he won't admit to being with you, you'll fuck around. He hurts you and you hurt him back." Sebastian didn't look at her, didn't make a move to show he'd heard her. "You didn't answer my question. How long have you been together?"

"Well, we begun hooking up in the middle of our senior year-"

"More than a year? That's a really long-"

"-at  _Dalton_." She stared at him, unable to believe what he'd just told her.

"He's kept this from me for  _four_  years?" she said weakly. "Asshole!" She kicked the bench, then cursed, foot aching.

Sebastian shrugged. "Well know you know. Congratulations. What will you do with it?"

"With what?" she fumed, glaring at him.

"The  _knowledge_ ," he said, emphasizing it, like she was an idiot or something.

"I don't know," she said in the same tone, crossing her arms over her chest. It was either that or slap him. God she was angry. Frustrated to the point of tears. The alcohol she'd consumed might have a small part in it.

_Why would Hunter lie to me? I'm supposed to be his best friend. Why won't he trust me?_

Sebastian made it sound like she'd use it against them, which was complete and utter bullshit. She did want to talk things through with Hunter, though. If nothing else, it would make him feel better. It would make him understand he could trust  _her_. At least she hoped he'd understand that.

_I need to think about this._

"Why are you so pissed at me?" Sebastian suddenly asked, frowning. She hadn't realized she'd kept glaring at him while she'd had her inner monologue.

"I'm not! I'm pissed off in general," Shelia snapped. "Mostly at your  _boyfriend_."

Snorting, Sebastian flicked the butt away, getting up. "You and me both." He put his arm around her. "Let's go back inside. I'll hook you up with a nice lesbian," he said, laughing, grip tightening briefly.

-'-'-

**Hunter to Shelia**

Where are you?

**Shelia to Hunter**

the nest

**Hunter to Shelia**

We're on our way

-'-'-

She'd managed to loose Sebastian in the crowd. Again. True to his word he'd introduced her to a nice lesbian. The girl, Mia, had only laughed when Shelia had explained she was actually quite straight. Apparently she knew Sebastian from before so it hadn't been too awkward. It was when Mia had left to go home Shelia realized she'd lost Sebastian.

_At least the others are on their way._

Speaking of.

"There you are!" Hunter and the rest of their gang sat down next to her. "Where's Sebastian?"

Shelia shrugged."I don't know. He was, um,  _talking_  to an old friend from high school earlier. Blaine?" She didn't want to say making out with, because it would just weird telling Hunter his boyfriend was- yeah. Talking. Let's stick with talking.

"Blaine Anderson?" Hunter asked.

Shelia shrugged again. "Rather short, too much gel in his hair-"

"Sounds like him." Hunter watched the crowd on the dance floor. No, he was searching it. Searching for Sebastian, she realized, suddenly feeling bad for him.

_Please please please let Blaine have left for the night._

It was almost impossible to hold a conversation in the noise and the others didn't seem inclined to dance. She was just turning towards Hunter to suggest they leave when his expression changed from it's usual slightly amused slash arrogant look to pained for just a second. She turned to see where he was looking. Blaine and Sebastian were at the bar, Sebastian's arm around Blaine's waist. As she looked, Blaine handed Sebastian a beer, then kissed him. When she turned back towards Hunter, he was staring into his drink, face neutral.

She wanted to shout  _go get him_! "You ready to leave?" she asked instead, leaning in close to be heard.

"Yeah." Hunter nodded, finishing his drink, smiling brightly at her. If she hadn't known she'd never had guessed. It was scary.

_You think you know someone._

She thought about what Hunter had said yesterday ' _It kills me when you leave, and I know you'll let others touch you even though you're mine.'_

"I'll be right with you," she assured the others, ushering them along. When they'd left, she began making her way through the crowd. "You coming?" she asked – shouted at – Sebastian, who, thankfully, had stopped making out with Blaine.

"I'm busy," he smirked, nodding towards Blaine.

"Hunter's here," she told him, hands on her hips. Sebastian licked his lips, removing the arm still resting around Blaine's waist.

"Good," Blaine said vehemently.

"Excuse me?" Shelia demanded. This urge she kept having to slap people today.

"He deserves all the pain in the world." Blaine took Sebastian's hand. "Maybe we should leave too, it's getting late." Sebastian hesitated.

_Blaine knows. He must know something at least._

"Fuck you, Blaine," Shelia roared. "You don't know him, you have no fucking right to judge him!" She pointed her finger at him for emphasise, just like her favourite actor always did, hoping she looked as intense as him.

"I have every right!" Blaine roared back. "You don't treat you boyfr-"

"Cut it out," Sebastian snapped. "Blaine, I-" Blaine laced their fingers together, leaning forward to say something Shelia didn't catch. She grabbed a hold of Sebastian's other hand and began dragging him along after her.

-'-'-

"We hung our coats together," Shelia lied when they joined the others outside.

_Well, she did have to explain my presence somehow._

Sebastian's head was spinning, he should have stopped drinking three beers ago.

"Hello Clarington," Blaine said coldly, holding out his hand to Hunter. "Long time no see."

"Blaine Anderson. Always a pleasure," Hunter said insincerely, shaking his hand roughly.

"I am so drunk," Sebastian informed the group, because he should say something, because that handshake was just so  _beyond_  awkward, especially considering Blaine was still holding Sebastian's hand.

Blaine snorted."Guys who cant hold their liquor," he tsked, shaking his head.

"I seem to remember a very memorable night at  _Scandals_..." Sebastian tried to keep his tone light.

Blaine laughed, then took a step towards him. He'd changed a lot these past few years, he wasn't the blushing schoolboy Sebastian had tried to snare in high school anymore.

"We should get going," Blaine murmured.

Sebastian's pulse sped up.

_Can I really do this in front of Hunter?_

His eyes flicked to him. His boyfriend's face was a disinterested mask, bordering on annoyed, but Sebastian knew he cared.

_I can't do this. I can't just- not in front of him._

"I'm a bit too drunk," Sebastian said apologetically to Blaine. That was completely true.

"So? Sleep it off at my place. I don't have any plans for tomorrow," Blaine added silently, for his ears only, then stood on his tiptoes to kiss him. Sebastian was very aware of Hunter's eyes on them, but this was  _all_  Hunter's fault. He wouldn't have to play this fucking game if Hunter hadn't been so fucking ashamed of him. He kissed Blaine back angrily, finally stumbling back a step because fuck was he drunk.

"I'm going home," he muttered to Blaine, letting go of his hand. Blaine glanced at Hunter who'd turned away, eyes narrowing.

"Bet you two never go home together. I don't mean it like that," Corey snorted when everyone gave him raised eyebrows. "I mean, if we hadn't been here tonight Hunt, you'd have gotten lucky with miss big boobs," he continued, laughing as he mimicked a big pair of tits. "It was almost embarrassing, the way she was all over you. And well," he gestured towards Sebastian and Blaine, waggling his eyebrows.

Sebastian suddenly felt sick. So Hunter had sucked face with some girl? Just to show off in front of his friends, he supposed. A total fucking stranger was fine, but sleeping more than two hours beside someone who'd been his partner for  _years_  was to embarrassing.

_Fuck him._

"Well, I'll see you guys another time," Sebastian said, grabbing Blaine's hand again. "Blaine has promised to show me his etchings." He smirked at the group, not looking at Hunter. He noticed Pete frowning, lip curled. "Night."

"Night, Sebastian. It was nice meeting you," Shelia said, walking up to him. She looked sad. He wanted to hit her for pitying him. But more than anything he wanted to go home with Hunter, do something as spectacular as holding his hand and sleep next to him.

_When did you get this pathetically needy, Smythe?_

"Right back at ya," he drawled, accepting a stiff hug, then turned his back against them, Blaine squeezing his hand. He wondered if she was going to tell Hunter she knew, how Hunter would react if she did. If her acceptance would change anything.

Walking with his eyes closed for a few steps he fell back into the stupid game he and Hunter used to play in high school.

_Let's play pretend._

He imagined it was Hunter who was holding his hand, going home after a night of partying together.

"You okay?" Blaine asked him worriedly and the fantasy evaporated.

"I'm fine," Sebastian said tensely.

_Pathetic pathetic pathetic._

"Faggots!" someone shouted. Sebastian's eyes narrowed.

"I hate that guy," he muttered, glaring in the direction the shout had come from.

"You know him?" Blaine asked, looking around.

"Not really. He's usually with his little gang of creeps, yelling bullshit after me. Forget him."

-'-'-

"...oh, you're still here." Sebastian closed the front door behind him. Hunter's band of merry men were occupying his couch. Wonderful.

"Plain leaves tonight at ten," Hunter told him, not turning away from his conversation with Shelia.

_Wonder if she told him? Probably not. He'd have called me._

"I thought it was ten in the morning," Sebastian muttered, kicking off his shoes. He'd looked forward to spending the rest of the day with Hunter, making things right between them. Leaving with Blaine had been a mistake, he'd known it before he'd done it. He'd hurt Hunter.

_He hurt me first._

Still a bit hungover, he went to the kitchen too look for fattening and liquid stuff. He poured himself a glass of pineapple juice, downing it in one go.

He hadn't even slept with Blaine, they'd just made out for a bit, both being too drunk to do anything else. In a way that felt worse, he'd meant it when he'd said kisses were more intimate. And sleeping next to someone who wasn't Hunter - he never did that. Except for last night.

_Stupid._

But he hadn't wanted to sleep alone, so he'd stayed with Blaine.

_You're so fucking sad, Smythe._

Blaine's hot brother Cooper had shown up unannounced around noon, waking them by jumping on the bed. Blaine hadn't even batted an eyelash at introducing them. "An old friend from  _Dalton_." Cooper had laughed and hinted that surely it was a bit more than that, considering he'd walked in on them sleeping next to each other in Blaine's bed, to which Blaine had just shrugged and laughed.

It was all so normal. Like it  _should_  be. Sebastian was getting fed up, he really was. So far this had been the weekend from hell.

Grabbing a bag of chips from one of the cupboards, he imagined leaving Hunter. It was stupid but he just couldn't see it. He took his shirt off before refilling his glass. Guests or no, Sundays were Shirtless Sunday. He managed to locate a forgotten chocolate bar and feeling pleased with his findings he returned to the living room.

"Hunt, have you seen my e-reader?" he asked.

_Look at me._

"You left it somewhere," Hunter said thoughtfully, his back to him.

_Look at me!_

"Really? I would never have guessed," Sebastian snarked.

_Turn around your fucking cunt and look. At. Me._

"Let me finish," Hunter snapped. "You used it yesterday, did you leave it by the couch?"

"Check underneath for me, would you?" Hunter fumbled under the couch, still ignoring him as much as possible.

_Mr cellophane, Mr cellophane..._

"Hot in here?" Shelia grinned.

"It's Shirtless Sunday," Sebastian informed her.

"Oh?" Shelia said as Hunter's head whipped around to stare at him.

_Fuck you, Hunt._

"Uh huh. Followed by Maniac Monday and Terrible Tuesday." And Sexy Saturday, he did not add.

"I'm intrigued," she smiled, eyes sparkling.

Putting the chocolate bar in his back pocket, a bit difficult as he was holding the bag of chips in the same hand, he took the e-reader a flustered Hunter handed him. "Bully for you. Mr Puss, you want some chips?" he called, leaving for his bedroom. "They're bacon flavoured," he cajoled.

"Don't feed him that, he'll get fat," Hunter protested as the cat came running, tale held high.

"So will I," Sebastian said. "That's the point of chips."

-'-'-

"Any reason Blaine was so hostile?" Hunter asked, picking up the empty bag of chips, using a  _wetex_  to wipe the crumbs on the nightstand into it. He'd just returned from dropping his friends off at the airport, already missing them. Finishing with the nightstand he noticed the bureau across from Sebastian's bed was rather dusty.

_Can't have that._

"Yeah," Sebastian said, finally putting the e-reader down.

"And that would be?" Hunter scrubbed at a stain. Sebastian had but coffee here  _without_  a coaster underneath the cup. He scowled.

"He hates your guts. I met him this Friday, we sat at a 24/7 café and talked half the night. He told me about his on and off relationship with Kurt, and I told him everything about us. So. Now he hates your guts," Sebastian repeated. "He said I'd changed a lot, not all of it good."

The relief Hunter had felt that Sebastian had just been having coffee last Friday, not doing other stuff, quickly evaporated.

"Oh yeah?" Hunter finally got the stain off, moving on to the bookshelf in the corner.

"Mmm." Sebastian's eyes followed his movements.

"You don't think you should consult me before you tell someone?" he said tensely. Just thinking of someone else knowing made his pulse quicken.

_What if Blaine tells someone else?_

He didn't know Blaine well enough to know he wouldn't.

"Nope. As long as it wont get back to the most important people in your life."

"You say that like you're not one of them."

_I should vacuum. Maybe swab the floors._

"Could have fooled me." Sebastian grabbed a hold of his hand as he walked past. "C'mere." Hunter let himself be pulled down next to him. "OCD much?"

"I'm stressed. And you  _are_  important." Hunter tried to make Sebastian get that by sheer willpower.

"I know. I'm just yanking your chain." Sebastian smiled at him, the smile not reaching his eyes.

Somehow Hunter doubted he was only joking around, but he let it go. It was easier that way.

"Didn't think Blaine had it in him," Hunter tried to joke. "He was kind of a bitch."

"He's gay. All of us have an inner queen."

Hunter snorted. "I've noticed."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hi you guys. I realized I've forgotten to write the warnings for this fic. I'll add that in the beginning so if any of you have stuff you REALLY don't want to read, check it out. As for myself, I hate warnings, mostly because they're usually spoilers. Yeah.**

**I'd like to thank you all for the great reviews! I've been deprived of internet (as you who follow me on tumblr knows), stealing my friend's and so on, but I'll get better at answering. I promise. Speaking of: Let me know what you think of this chapter. -Dorian**

"We're thinking about going to Vegas next weekend." Hunter poured himself a glass of juice, sitting down across from Sebastian. It was a bit chilly without a shirt, but Sebastian had vetoed wearing even a blanket.

"We?" Sebastian didn't raise his eyes from the Sunday newspaper. Hunter knew it was an act, Sebastian acting like he really didn't care about the conversation, he was oh-so busy with reading.

"The usual gang." It had been a spur of the moment decision made yesterday. They hadn't seen each other in three months, not since the disastrous weekend they'd been in New York visiting, so they'd decided on the trip.

"Ah. Don't come home married to some girl named Candy with pink hair and two piercings in each nipple." Sebastian switched page, still 'completely engrossed'.

"So, are you coming?" Hunter began buttering a slice of bread, having one of those mornings when you wake up  _starving_. Sebastian raised both eyebrows, lowering the paper.

"Moi?" He pointed at himself.

"No, the guy behind you," Hunter snarked, kicking his shin under the table.

"I guess I can come," he sighed, throwing the paper on the table. "Don't have much planned anyways."

"Thank you, your majesty. I've already booked your ticket and hotel room." Hunter suppressed a smug smile, rejoicing in the fact that he knew Sebastian well enough to be one step ahead of him.

"I hope we're sharing." Sebastian's tone was light, but he looked tense.

"Yes dear," Hunter drawled. "You, me and Candy." He took a sip of coffee, batting his eyelashes.

Sebastian smirked. "Fabulous. Now c'mere, you haven't given me a proper kiss yet."

"Then what was that we did an hour ago?"

"Exercise." Hunter snorted, swallowing the last remains of his sandwich. Sebastian got up and walked over to him. Cradling his face with one hand he bent down and gently kissed him. Hunter closed his eyes and opened his mouth.

That's when Sebastian's phone rang.

"I hate whoever that is," Sebastian sulked, straightening up. He reached for his phone lying on the table. "It's dad. Hi, it's me." Sebastian sat down in his chair again, sipping coffee from his  _Doctor Who-_ cup, a picture of a  _Dalek_  beside the words ' _Daleks_  are supreme'. "We're having breakfast, which means I have caffeine in my body." He took another sip, then frowned. "What do you mean?" He put the cup down, sitting completely still. He opened his mouth a few times as if to interrupt, but closed it again. Hunter began to feel worried, reaching over the table to grab his hand. All colour had drained from Sebastian's face. He swallowed convulsively a few times before he finally spoke. "I see. I'll come as fast as I can. No, I know that, but I want to. Indulge me. Bye." Sebastian threw the phone back onto the table, hiding his face in his hands.

"Bas?" Hunter got up, crouching down next to his chair. Sebastian was taking deep breaths, leaning his elbows against the table. "Bas," he repeated, laying a hand on his thigh, rubbing gently. Sebastian finally removed his hands. He stared down at him blankly, as if he didn't recognize him for a moment.

"Let's go back to bed." He pulled Hunter to his feet, taking his hand and leading him into his own bedroom. They curled up on the bed, Sebastian's face pressed against Hunter's chest, Hunters arms tightly around him. Hunter tried to ignore his stupid rumbling stomach, playing with his boyfriend's hair, waiting him out. "He's dying," Sebastian said after quite some time, then he started crying, his entire body shaking. "Dad's dying," he sobbed, clutching Hunter. Who held him tighter to him, having no words of comfort to offer.

-'-'-

"Dad." Sebastian walked swiftly up to his father who was sitting up in the hospital bed, the back of the bed raised so he could comfortably lean back on it.

"Bas." Samuel smiled tiredly. He looked sick, dark circles around his eyes and a pasty pale complexion. Somehow Hunter hadn't expected him to look sick. Which was ridiculous, the man had cancer for god's sake. Sebastian hovered beside the bed, as if unsure what to do. Samuel held out his arms and Sebastian immediately hugged him, clinging to him. He said something Hunter couldn't catch, muffled by his father's shoulder. Samuel murmured something back, stroking his hair. Hunter felt like he was intruding, like he didn't belong here.

_Is this how Bas always feels when we're around my friends and family?_

The thought made him so sad, so angry at the mess he'd made of his life.

"Hunter," Samuel said, and Hunter realized Sebastian had stepped back.

"Mr Smythe," he said quietly, walking up to the bed.

"Samuel."

"Samuel," Hunter corrected himself with a smile, shaking his hand. The two of them got on well, Samuel being as outgoing and easy to talk to as his son.

"How are you?" Samuel asked.

"Not bad. I'd ask you, but..." Hunter shrugged,making a face.

"I'm as fine as I can be. How's work?"

"Great, I-"

"Dad, you should have told me," Sebastian suddenly said. "You should have given me more time-"

"To do what? Mourn be before I was dead?" Samuel snorted. "I don't think so. I've battled this for two years, but now it's spread..." He shrugged, like it didn't matter. Sebastian glared at him, turned and swept out of the room. Both of them gazed after him, neither surprised at his abrupt departure.

"Sir-"

"Promise me something, Hunter," Samuel interrupted him.

"What?" Hunter hugged himself, imaging he could smell sickness and death. He really hated hospitals.

"Take care of him. But if you can't do that, you have to let him go."

"I always take care of him-"

"He's hurting, Hunter. You can't keep doing this to him. He's changed, and I hate to see him like this." Hunter nodded, swallowing bile, the guilt clawing at his gut. "When his mother walked out on us, I decided I'd do anything to make him happy. I've done my best, but in a few months I won't be here for him. I worry. I worry about my boy, Hunter, you have to understand that. I don't care that he's twenty two, I still see him as my little boy." Samuel's gaze seemed to burn Hunter. "He still has that abandoned look," he continued tiredly. "The same look he had when he realized his mum wasn't coming back." Hunter forced himself to look Samuel in the eye, getting the unsaid message.

"I promise I'll take care of him, no matter what."

"Good. Promises given to a man on his deathbed must be kept, you know." Samuel smirked, and suddenly it was like seeing Sebastian in twenty years. It was eery.

-'-'-

"Are you sure you want to be here?" Hunter asked again. Sebastian shrugged.

"Sure." He put his suitcase by one of the beds. They had two single beds, well, of course they had two single beds. Hunter's friends were here after all. He knew it bothered Sebastian, in all honesty it bothered him as well, but things were as they were.

"Bas." Hunter reached for his arm but Sebastian flinched away. Hunter left his arm in the air a few moments, then lowered it. He tried again. "If you want to-"

"I said I want to be here, okay?" Sebastian snapped, throwing himself down on the bed furthest from the door. Hunter wanted to scream cry hit something  _anything_. Things kept getting worse between them, Sebastian withdrawing and Hunter having no idea how to reach out to him. The news that his father was dying had only made things worse. One week had passed and Sebastian still refused to talk about it.

"I'm glad you came." Hunter sat down on Sebastian's bed, just wanting to be close while they could.

"You cast a spell on me. You hit me like the sky fell on me," Sebastian sang, a smile tugging at his lips. "And I decided you look well on me." Hunter laughed as Sebastian pulled him down on top of him. "So let's go somewhere no-one else can see, you and me." A quick kiss turned into a make-out session, life forgotten for a few moments.  _This_.  _This_  was what he'd missed this past week. The closeness. They belonged together, and sometimes things were bad but he belonged with Sebastian. They made sense. Sometimes Hunter felt like they were the only thing that actually made sense.

_We'll be okay. He have to be._

Things were heading towards very interesting, that is until someone knocked on the door. Sebastian smacked him on the bum. "I'm not moving," he informed him, lacing his fingers together behind his head, smirking.

"Oh fine," Hunter huffed, pressing one last kiss on his lips. He checked his appearance in the mirror as the evil spawn of satan with the worst timing ever knocked again.

"Pants," Sebastian said quickly. Hunter quickly zipped his fly.

"When did you-?" Sebastian shot him a dazzling smile, shrugging. "Nice," Hunter mimed, then opened the door before there was a third knock.

"Hi." Sheila beamed at him, giving him a hug. "Just thought you'd like to know we've arrived."

"Great." Hunter really tried to sound enthusiastic. He  _had_  missed them, it wasn't that, but he and Sebastian really needed to re-connect.

_We should have stayed at home._

"Dinner in an hour?" Shelia suggested. "Wear something fancy schmancy as we thought we'd go clubbing or whatever afterwards," she said, dusting an invisible speck of dust from his hoodie.

"Don't I always?" Sebastian called. Shelia laughed.

"Hi Sebastian, you not gonna give me a hug?" she asked, trying to see him over Hunter's shoulder.

"I'll give you a kiss if you drag your ass over here. Been three long months since I last saw you after all." To Hunter's disgruntlement Shelia swooped past him and pounced on Sebastian who gave her a kiss smack on the lips. She giggled uncontrollably, hugging him.

"Bet that's the first time you've kissed a girl," Hunter drawled, irrationally jealous.

_When did these two become best friends?_

"I have kissed a few in my sordid youth," Sebastian confessed. "Then I realized boys were much better at it-" Shelia smacked him on the head, still giggling, laying half on top of him. Hunter laid down on his own bed, feeling awkward and sulky while Sebastian and Shelia caught up with each other, gossiping like two old ladies. He knew Shelia had added Sebastian on  _facebook_ , he hadn't known they'd actually interacted there.

_I wonder what they talk about._

"My internet haven't been working properly, and I haven't had time to fix it, I've been working like crazy," Shelia was saying.

"Sucks to be you," Sebastian drawled.

"Thanks for the heartfelt comfort," she snickered. "Um, have you've seen Blaine anything since last time?" Shelia finally asked, darting a quick look at Hunter for some reason. Hunter stared crossly at the white ceiling. The first night Sebastian had left with Blaine something had broken inside him because Blaine was perfect. He was kind, except to Hunter, gorgeous, had a great musical talent, could  _also_  do backflips, and most importantly, he was out. Seeing Sebastian walk away with him, hand in hand, had killed him. He hadn't slept at all that night, thoughts of Sebastian staying with Blaine, not coming home to Hunter, haunting him.

"A few times. He's still hung up on his ex," Sebastian said lightly.

Sebastian had broken the rules, and Hunter didn't know what to do about it, so he tried to ignore it. Telling himself that Sebastian would be coming home to him, that it didn't matter that he stayed with Blaine from time to time because he always would come home because they loved each other.

_He just needs what I cant give him. Then he'll come back. Pathetic, Clarington. Pathetic._

"Really?" Shelia asked, sitting up beside Sebastian.

"Why he wants him back, I'll never know. He's got a serious case of the gay-face, dresses like a girl and acts and talks like one. I can only assume Blaine is secretly straight."

"Sebastian!" She hit him on the arm.

"What?" Sebastian said, widening his eyes innocently.

"That's so mean!"

"I know. To call a man straight, why it's the ultimate insult," Sebastian snickered.

"Cause that's what I meant," Shelia drawled. "You okay?" she suddenly asked Hunter. "You're very quiet."

"Don't have anything to add," Hunter said shortly.

_Blaine fucking Anderson. Can we change the subject?_

He saw them exchange a look in his peripheral vision, Shelia looking questioning at Sebastian who shrugged.

_When did they develop silent communication?_

Hunter scowled.

"I have this vague memory of me promising to take you to a drag queen-show," Sebastian told her.

"Yes you did!" Shelia squealed excitedly. "Hunter, you'll come too, right?" Hunter gave them a superior look, trying to hide his discomfort.

"I might, or mightn't," he said in a snobbish tone.

"Either you'll tag along, or we'll dress you up as one." Sebastian smiled wickedly. Shelia laughed so hard she fell off the bed.

-'-'-

"That was faaabulous!" Shelia exclaimed, making a twirl. Sebastian laughed, feeling very at ease. Shelia was drunk. Like, really pissed. Like, she'd had nine drinks in two hours pissed.

"Maybe we should take her home," Hunter murmured.

The others had left after the show, Corey being even more drunk than Shelia and Pete volunteering make sure he got home alright.

"Come on," Sebastian grinned at him, feeling the buzz of the drinks he'd had. "She's just a bit tipsy. I'll get worried when she starts insulting strangers or vomits." Hunter rolled his eyes at him. Sebastian darted a glance at Shelia who was walking several steps in front of them, then took Hunter's hand, pressing a kiss to his palm before quickly releasing it. "Or we could just go home, I suppose."

Suddenly, Sebastian just wanted to go home. They'd had a great time, really, but it was straining, this pretending that he and Hunter were just friends. And it wasn't like Sebastian was the hand holding, must be all over my partner kind of guy.

_It's just so fucking degrading._

He wanted to go home, squeeze into one of the beds and have Hunter all to himself until morning.

"You know what we should do?" Shelia asked them, suddenly bouncing back to where they were walking.

"What?" Hunter smiled, laying his arm around her. Shelia always turned him into such a softy. Sebastian kinda liked it. On occasion, at least.

"Get married!" she exclaimed happily.

"Bigamy isn't legal," Hunter enlightened her sarcastically.

"But there's only two of you," she said, frowning.

_Well fuck._

"Excuse me?" Sebastian grabbed hold of her arm, squeezing it tightly in warning.

_He's gonna freak. We've talked about how you'd tell him. This wasn't it._

"Oow! Sebastiaaan, that hurts." She pouted, then suddenly turned to Hunter, furious.

_The joys of drunkards._

"I know, Hunter, okay? I know you and Sebastian are like gay together, and I'm  _so_  mad!" She pointed her finger at Hunter's face. She did that a lot when she got upset. Hunter looked like a deer caught in the headlights, staring at her with wide eyes. It made Sebastian want to laugh because this was Hunter 'military-boy, leave-no-survivors' Clarington, and he was scared of a girl barely reaching his broad shoulders. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" she roared. "Huh? I'm supposedly your best friend but you don't tell me you've had a Sebastian for like almost five  _years_. It's so not cool." She started hitting his chest with her fists.

_Should I interfere? Nah._

"I-" Hunter looked completely at a loss, gently grabbing her wrists to make her stop punching him. Sebastian walked up behind him and laid his arms around Hunter's waist, because he could, because this street was deserted and he wanted to.

"Breathe," he suggested dryly when Hunter tensed up. He was pleased, it might be mean but he really was, because maybe Hunter would finally get it now. Maybe he'd finally understand that some friends love you no matter what, and those are the ones to hold on to. That telling someone you're gay isn't the end of the world, even if you're Hunter 'both parents in the army best friends from a military academy' Clarington.

"How-"

"I saw you kissin'. And that's okay cause you guys are sweet," she beamed. Sebastian could feel Hunter relax slightly.

"Like this?" Sebastian asked, turning Hunter's face towards his, kissing him right on the mouth.

"Yes!" Shelia squealed. To his disappointment Hunter immediately pulled away, frowning at him. "Turn that frown up side down, Hunty-boy!" Shelia chastised him, raising her finger. "People do crazy stuff when they're in Vegas. 's true, I've seen it on TV," she told them wisely. They started walking again, Shelia once more bouncing a few steps in front of them.

"Leave him alone. He doesn't want to," Sebastian said, because suddenly it just wasn't funny anymore. Because he wanted to. In fact, he couldn't think of a single thing he wanted more than to call Hunter his husband.

_Did hell just freeze over?_

He stepped away from him, shoving his hands in his pockets, reminding himself of the reality. Hunter wouldn't even hold his hand in a crowd to keep from losing him. Besides, Sebastian really wasn't the relationship 'till death do us part'- kind of guy anyway. He'd just accidentally slipped into this thing with Hunter, and he might want to spend the rest of his life with him, but that didn't mean they had to get married or anything. For god's sake, they were only twenty two, fine, almost twenty three. Either way they were way to young for this kind of commitment. And yes, they lived together, and yes, they'd been together since high school, throughout college-

_Stop rambling, Smythe._

"Fine," Shelia huffed. "Hey, did I tell you guys I got a job in New York?" she beamed, turning towards them, somehow managing to walk backwards.

"No," Sebastian grinned at her, forcing himself out of his funk. "Congratulations. Now I can spend even more time corrupting you!" he cheered. She laughed delightedly.

"Let's go in here," Hunter suddenly said, pulling him by the arm.

"Whoa, chill, killer." Looking around he frowned. "You buying some fancy bling?" he snarked. They'd entered a jewellery shop. Why it was opened in the middle of the night, he had no idea. Then again, this was Vegas, stuff made as much sense here as in Willy Wonka'sfactory.

 _It's candy. It's not supposed to make sense._  Suddenly he was craving chocolate. His eyes flickered to Hunter.  _Make that chocolate sauce._

"Yep." Hunter said, keeping his grip on his arm as Shelia wandered off, cheerfully skipping from showcase to showcase.

_I wish I could adopt her._

"Anything in particular?" Sebastian said, already bored. Jewellery really wasn't his thing.

"I was thinking some fancy rings. One each," Hunter clarified. Sebastian stopped in his tracks, making Hunter stop too.

"Are you asking me to marry you?" he demanded, staring at him.

"Yes. Don't make me go down on one knee." Hunter corrected Sebastian's shirt, brushing off some invisible dust. Sebastian could taste his pulse in his throat.

"I rather like you on your knees," he said weakly.

"You should have been captain of the innuendo squad, not the  _Warblers,_ " Hunter snarked.

"We should have had one of those at  _Dalton_ ," Sebastian said. "But I guess I'll just have to focus all my wittiness on you."

"Don't make me change my mind," Hunter drawled, hands still on his chest.

"Would you?" Sebastian asked, suddenly nervous.

Hunter shook his head. "Never." They stood looking at each other, was it Sebastian's imagination or was Hunter's hands shaking a bit?

 _I guess proposing is a rather nerve-wreaking task._ It suddenly sank in.  _If I say yes, we're getting married. Things will change now. Finally._

Sebastian smiled, his own hands shaking as well. "Well then," he said unevenly. "Then yes, I'd like one of them fancy rings." They exchanged smiles, Sebastian feeling lighter than air.


	4. Going Under

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four, only one to go! I'll be posting a sneak peak for chapter five on my tumblr (http://wilderambles.tumblr.com/) like I did with this chapter. Please let me know what you think -Dorian

Sebastian had been walking around for hours. His dad was really sick now, the doctors were giving him weeks to live. Sebastian had asked him to transfer to a hospital in New York, to which he'd agreed. Sebastian had already talked to the staff, and they'd agreed to let his father spend christmas at home, a nurse checking on him from time to time.

 

It would be only Sebastian and Samuel as Hunter would be going home for the holidays, as usual. Not even this year, not even their first year as husbands- He cut off that trail of thought.

 

_It's all the same. Nothing's changed._

 

He'd been so disappointed. It was stupid, really. Like a spur of the moment decision would really change anything. They'd had breakfast in bed the morning after, everything feeling a bit surreal and he'd been so fucking happy, but as soon as it knocked on the door Hunter had quietly asked him to go back to his own bed. At first Sebastian had figured he didn't want to drop a bomb like that, instead sitting Corey and Pete down to explain. But the two days they had left passed and Hunter still didn't tell them.

 

He still hadn't.

 

Hunter didn't wear the ring outside their apartment, sometimes not even in their apartment. Sebastian did, because why shouldn't he? He was married -- will wonders ever cease? -- and he was actually proud to be. Seeing the ring was bittersweet though, a constant reminder of the promise he'd thought Hunter had given him.

 

It had been five tense months. It hadn't been all bad, not really, but it was this nagging feeling, this constant pain eating away at him.

 

_I'm not enough. I'm his but he's not mine._

 

They were exclusive now, at least it meant that much to Hunter. No dates and no sex with others. A few months ago, Sebastian had gone and changed his last name to Smythe-Clarington after one of their more vicious fights, just to piss Hunter off. He still refused to change it back, and Hunter had only asked him once.

 

“ _You asked me to marry you, Hunter,” Sebastian spat. “Maybe you shouldn't have if you didn't mean it!”_

 

“ _Changing your last name is just fucking childish,” Hunter snapped back. “What am I supposed to tell everyone?”_

 

“ _Oh, I dunno. That we're_ married _, Hunter,” Sebastian suggested, sneering._

 

Things were supposed to get better now, not worse.

 

“ _Change it back!” Hunter demanded, slamming his fist into a wall._

 

“ _No!” Sebastian roared back. “You and me, this,” he pointed at the ring on his ring finger, voice suddenly breaking as his anger evaporated.“Means something to me. I just-” He pulled his fingers through his hair, wanting to scream in frustration._

 

“ _It means some-”_

 

“ _Shut the fuck up!” Sebastian shouted. “Shut your lying fucking mouth!”_

 

“ _Sebastian-” Hunter tried to reach for him but Sebastian pushed him away._

 

“ _I'm tired of playing pretend, Hunter,” Sebastian said tiredly. “I want something real. Like reading our last names together on my mail.”_

 

_Hunter sat down heavily on one of the kitchen chairs. “I'm sorry,” he said hoarsely. Nowadays he said those words more often than 'I love you'._

 

“ _Yeah, me too.”_

 

Earlier tonight, Sebastian had asked him about Christmas, assuming he'd spend it at home, _their_ home. But of course he wasn't. Sebastian kicked a bin as he walked past it. He hated how he felt like a fucking jealous housewife, acted like one too. They'd fought, and Sebastian had left.

 

“ _For once in your fucking life, can you put me first?” Sebastian shouted._

 

“ _I've already told my parents-” Hunter tried to reason, sitting on the couch, following Sebastian's pacing._

 

“ _My father is fucking dying, Hunter!” Sebastian leaned over him, one hand on each side of his head. “This will be my last Christmas with him and I want, I_ need _you there.”_

 

_Hunter looked away.“Bas, I-”_

 

“ _Fuck it.” Sebastian grabbed his coat and slammed the door behind him._

 

He hadn't realized he'd had a destination until he looked up at the familiar apartment building. Not even hesitating, he climbed the stairs and knocked on the door.

 

_One breath. Two. I should leave. No. Stay._

 

The door opened.

 

“Can I come in?”

 

“Of course,” Blaine said, stepping aside.

 

-'-'-

 

“Hi.”

 

Hunter looked up from the magazine he hadn't been reading when Sebastian finally came back home. Sebastian threw the magazine away, straddling him and kissing him deeply. His lips were cold, it had been snowing all night and was still freezing outside. There was something almost desperate about the kiss and suddenly Hunter felt scared. “Bas?”

 

“Missed you,” Sebastian said into his mouth. “Kiss me.” Hunter complied, trying to tell himself he was making up things. Sebastian not spending the night at home always made him on edge.

 

_He stayed with a friend. He wouldn't lie to me. He just needed a breather. He slept at a friend's place._

 

He knew he'd been an asshole, he knew he was pushing him away but he just felt so caught up in everything. Maybe the marriage had been a stupid idea, but he still felt a spike of joy run through him when he looked at the ring hanging in a chain around his neck, reminding him they belonged together, no matter what.

 

He knew he should stay at home, his and Sebastian's home. He'd thought about it over night, it wasn't like he'd gotten any sleep. It would actually make sense to stay, even to his family.

 

_I'll tell my mother about Sebastian's dad dying, she'll understand me wanting to be there for a friend. And I don't think I can live with myself if I abandon him now._

 

“I love you,” Hunter said, holding on to him tightly, fisting his shirt. Sebastian froze for a second and suddenly Hunter couldn't breathe.

 

“Love you back,” Sebastian said, pressing their foreheads together. “You know that. I love you so much, Hunt,” Sebastian breathed, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs.

 

“Yeah.” Hunter ran his hands up and down his back.

 

_You spent the night at a friend's, Bas. Please, let's pretend you did. Don't say anything._

 

“I spent the night with Blaine.”

 

_With Blaine, not at Blaine's._

 

Hunter closed his eyes, feeling sick to his stomach. “I see.”

 

 _You knew you could only push him so far. You've lost him, you fucking_ idiot _!_

 

“We talked a lot. About you and me, him and Kurt. About everything really.” Sebastian scooted back, standing up.

 

“And?” Hunter had to force the word out, already missing Sebastian's warmth.

 

“And Blaine made me look at myself, really look, and I realized-” Sebastian shook his head. “I really hate what I'm seeing.” He took his jacket off, throwing it on the floor as he talked. “I'm hanging on to you, Hunt. I'm trying to be your everything, but you just keep rejecting me and I just _can't_ keep doing this.” He kept moving, like he couldn't stand to be still. Hunter, on the other hand, felt frozen, incapable of moving even a finger. “It's like being back at _Scandals_ and trying to get the attention of the hottest guy because you _need_ him to want you. To know you're good enough.” Sebastian swallowed thickly. “To know someone wants you. And I _know_ you want me. Hell, I even believe you when you say you love me, but...” Sebastian shook his head. “I can't be this person. I've been stuck in my fucking need for confirmation, needing to be enough for you. So that maybe you'll finally tell them. You won't be _ashamed_ of me.” His voice was breaking.

 

_I've done this to him. I've hurt him so bad._

 

“So that maybe you'll put me first, because I'm your partner, Hunter,” he continued hoarsely, balling his fists. “No, I'm your fucking joke of a husband”, he spat, pausing, collecting himself. “But last night, I realized that's not going to happen,” he continued. “Because I'm never enough. Not for anyone. Not even for you.” Sebastian hugged himself, shaking.

 

 _He still has that abandoned look he had when he realized his mother didn't love him enough to come back to us._ Samuel's voice seemed to echo in Hunter's ears.

 

Both of them were crying now. God it _hurt_ hearing him say things like that. Sebastian was his _everything_ , how could he _not_ be enough? How could he _not_ understand how much he loved him? How absolutely wonderful he was?

 

“I'm sorry, Hunt. But I can't do this.” Sebastian rubbed his face with his hands, looking at him with red rimmed eyes. Hunter wanted to reach out, touch him, comfort him.

 

_Let me hold you, Bas. Let's pretend we'll be okay._

 

“Bas, we'll work this out-” Hunter pressed his hands against his chest, still nailed to the spot.

 

_I love you. I love you I love you I love you. Please let's work this out please Bas oh my God this isn't happening._

 

“We won't. _You_ won't. Because I can't do anything to fix this.” Sebastian sighed, looking so very tired. He'd stopped crying. “I didn't cheat on you last night, or what would have been cheating if this,” he gestured between them, “was real.”

 

_Oh thank god he only slept there._

 

“It is-” Hunter tried to insist.

 

“It's _not_. And I finally get that.” Sebastian looked out the window, turning his back on Hunter's hunched form. “I can't put my life on hold for you. Blaine and Kurt have been back together for a few months, they're spending christmas with Kurt's family. Blaine took care of Kurt's dad when he was sick and Kurt lived in New York, and Kurt is going Christmas shopping with Blaine's mum in a few days.” Sebastian wiped his cheek angrily, turning back towards him. “I'm not saying I want you to take care of my dad, or that I want to go shopping with your mother but I want to at least be acknowledged. Don't I at least deserve that?” he asked.

 

Hunter nodded, because of course he did. He knew that, that's why the question felt like a stab in the gut. “Yes,” he whispered.

 

“THEN WHY CAN'T YOU GIVE ME THAT?” Sebastian roared, startling him. He walked out of the room, then back in a moment later. “I love you. I have tried to be patient but guess what, I wont live with you in Narnia, I want to live in the real world where you introduce your husband to your friends instead of telling him to get out of your bed.”

 

“Give me time-” Hunter begged.

 

_We belong together. You and me, Hunter and Sebastian, we belong together. Don't do this, Bas._  
  


“I've given you five _years_! I've waited for you for five years, Hunter.” Sebastian took a heavy breath, closing his eyes as the tears started running again. “I want a divorce,” he said, and it was like a wave came down crushing Hunter, stealing the air from his lungs.

 

_Maybe it's just a divorce. He won't leave me. Not Bas. We belong together, he can't leave me. He loves me._

 

“You want to break up?” Hunter forced himself to ask.

 

“Yeah,” Sebastian nodded, not looking at him.

 

When he'd walked out the door, carrying a bag with clothes and other necessary things, Hunter sat staring into the wall for a long time, waiting for him to come back. Begging to hear the sound of his footsteps up the stairs, his key in the lock. Bas coming home to him like he always did.

 

_Except he won't. Not this time. Oh god, Bas, I'm so sorry for everything please please please come back to me._

 

Hunter's body was cramping, he was sobbing so hard.

 

-'-'-

 

It had been two weeks. Sebastian had contacted a lawyer, signed the papers and dropped them off at Hunter's new apartment. They'd managed to trade theirs for two smaller ones, a couple wanting to move in together had responded to Sebastian's ad and a week later they'd moved. Sebastian had lived at Blaine's that week, not able to face Hunter. He'd made the right decision, but it still hurt.

 

_All the time. God I miss him._

 

Living with Blaine had meant more or less living with Kurt. That had been, interesting. Mostly they'd jeered insults at each other or engaged in glaring-contests, driving Blaine completely mad.

 

He would never admit it, but he'd begun to think Kurt was slightly likeable. If nothing else, Sebastian always enjoyed a good fight.

 

He would never forget the night he'd spent at Blaine's before breaking up with Hunter. He'd been a mess, crying and raging and crying even more. In the end, Blaine had just held him, spooning him until they fell asleep. He'd woken up to the sound of hushed voices in the kitchen, Blaine explaining _why_ he'd been spooning Sebastian Smythe in his bed to his upset boyfriend. The conversation had been rather entertaining at first, then it had suddenly reminded him of him and Hunter. Their bickering, maniac Mondays -- all the small things.

 

Then again, everything reminded him of Hunter.

 

He shivered in his coat, hurrying towards the subway-station, having spent the afternoon christmas shopping.

 

_Home, leave the stuff and go see dad._

 

He hoped his dad would make it past christmas, he'd hate to spend it alone, mourning.

 

_I can't believe he'll be gone in a few weeks. Don't mourn him before he's dead._

 

“You fucking little faggot! Been shopping for but plugs, have you?” Laughter treated the comment.

 

“Oh, it's you again,” Sebastian said, not looking back. The little gang of creeps. It must be his lucky day. He fought the urge to quicken his pace, knowing it would only encourage them.

 

_Almost there._

 

“All high and mighty. Walks like a fucking queen,” another guy jeered.

 

_Ignore them. Almost there._

 

“Here pansy pansy pansy. I have some cock for you,” the first guy singsonged to more laughter. Sebastian could see the entrance now, people milling about, up and down the stairs.

 

_Thank god._

 

The first blow made him stagger, the pain shocked him.

 

_There's people here. Witnesses. Why-?_

 

It took him only a second to gather his wits, breaking into a run.

 

He almost made it.


	5. Bring me to life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN: For once I won't ramble. I just thought I'd advice you to check out my AN at the bottom as it concerns a matter of GREAT IMPORTANCE. As usual, please let me know what you think and be sure you've read the warnings.
> 
> Thank you all for the encouraging reviews, both for this story and the other two. If it hadn't been for your great reviews of "Everybody's fool", I'd never had written this but I'm so glad I did. I wasn't suppose to ramble. Sorry. -Dorian

“I really must say I love your new apartment,” Hunter's mother enthused, more excited than she'd ever been about the one he'd shared with Sebastian. Taking a sip off coffee, Hunter looked around, trying to accept this apartment as 'home'. His parents had helped him pay for it, insisting on it in fact, not asking about his abrupt move. There were still boxes everywhere, Hunter had tried to make himself unpack them, had even started a few times. He had always been a very neat person and the mess bothered him. But he just couldn't. That would be admitting he was staying, that it was over.

 

_Has it really been two weeks since I last saw him? Feels like forever and yesterday._

 

“It's very-” his dad begun before Hunter's phone started ringing.

 

“Sorry,” he said, making an apologetic face. “Hello?”

 

“Hunter Clarington?” an un-familliar male voice asked.

 

Hunter frowned. “Yes? Who's this?”

 

“Flynn Rider, I'm calling from _Bellevue Hospital Center._ Are you Sebastian Smythe-Clarington's husband?”

 

“I am,” Hunter said cautiously. The words sounded weird, and he realized no-one had ever addressed him as such. He kinda liked it. “Something happen?” he asked, suddenly worried.

 

“I'm sorry to say your husband has been assaulted and is currently in the ICU.”

 

“W-what?” Hunter nearly dropped the phone. His parents looked questioningly at him, his mother frowning worriedly.

 

_Assaulted?_

 

For a few seconds he wasn't able to understand the word. Then he just wouldn't believe it. Sebastian had been fine the last time he'd seen him. Physically at least.

 

_Assaulted. Beaten. Hurt. No. Impossible._

 

“I'm sorry, mr Clarington.”

 

“Will he be okay?” Hunter asked, voice perfectly calm, brain surrounded by cotton.

 

“It's to early to tell,” Flynn answered gently. “I'm sorry.”

 

 _But... He_ has _to be okay. How can he not be? What do you mean to early to tell? What's to early to tell? Is he dye- No. Absolutely not._

 

“I see.” He stared emptily in front of him, thoughts running through his head without making any sense. “Can I see him?”

 

“When he's stable. Or-”

 

_No._

 

“When he's stable,” Hunter said firmly. “Alright. I'll, alright. Okay.” He hung up.

 

_That was rude. Hanging up like that. Should I call him back?_

 

Hunter shook his head, blinking.

 

“Hunter, who's hurt, honey?” his mother asked, taking his hand.

 

“Sebastian.” Hunter frowned, it still hadn't sunk in. “He's been assaulted,” he heard himself say.

 

That word again. Assaulted.

 

“Do they know who did it?” his father asked.

 

“I- I, um...” Hunter shook his head again, trying to collect his thoughts. “I don't know. But a couple of guys have been giving him grief for awhile, so, I mean, that'd make sense,” he mumbled confusedly. “I'm going to the hospital.” Of course he was going the the hospital. Sebastian might be mad at him, but surely he'd allow him to visit?

 

_Unless he's- no._

 

“I'll bring the coffee so it wont get cold,” Hunter said, getting up, cup clutched in his hand. “It's stupid to waste it,” he murmured, staring at the brown liquid. It was rippling.

 

_Odd._

 

“We'll drive you,” his mother said gently, prying the cup from his trembling hand.

 

“But, you don't have to do that. You barely know him. You haven't had cake yet. It's from this really nice bakery-”

 

“Come on, Hunter.” His father led him out of the kitchen, arm around his shoulders.

 

-'-'-

 

“Let's ask her,” his mother said, walking up to a nurse with black hair barely contained in a pony tail. “Excuse me, we're going to the ICU?” she made it a question.

 

“I'll take you,” the petite woman said. “I'm headed that way anyways.” She smiled gently at them. Nurses always smiled like that, trying to make their patients feel better.

 

_Probably a class they take in college, 'Caring and Comforting.'_

 

“Thank you.”

 

Hunter walked after the nurse in a daze, unaware of his surroundings. The word 'Sebastian' caught his attention, making his head snap up.

 

“...so we came here to see him,” his mother explained to the nurse, who nodded politely. They stopped in front of a pair of doors.

 

“They're locked,” the nurse explained. “Give me a sec.” She swiped her card, disappearing through the doorway, returning after a few moments with another nurse.

 

“You're here to see Sebastian Smythe-Clarington?” he asked, addressing the group.

 

“Yes, I want to see Sebastian,” Hunter said, words tumbling out of his mouth in a rush. His voice sounded weird, like it came from a distance. “I'm Hunter,” he said, like that explained everything.

 

_The Hunter in Hunter and Sebastian._

 

“I see. We spoke on the phone earlier, mr Clarington. Your Husband is still in surgery,” Rider explained gently.

 

“Surgery. Of course. I see.” Hunter realized he kept nodding, unable to stop himself. He felt detached, like he was standing next to himself, observing.

 

_Surgery. Assault then surgery. Surgery and assault. Of course._

 

“He's in shock,” the first nurse told Rider.

 

“I noticed. Mr Clarington, if you'd come with me.”

 

-'-'-

 

Hunter quickly dug his old school bag out of a box. He'd been in the ICU for two hours before a doctor had declared Sebastian stable. The relief had made him dizzy for a moment, his entire body tingling. They didn't know if _when_ he was going to wake up though.

 

“What's this about that boy being your husband?” his father asked from the doorway. Hunter froze in the process of stuffing clothes and other necessary stuff into the backpack. In his panic he'd forgotten Rider had referred to Sebastian as 'your husband', at the time Hunter hadn't even registered it. His parents had waited for him in the hospital cafeteria, then they'd been silent the entire way back to his apartment, leaving Hunter to his thoughts, or so he'd figured.

 

“Sebastian and I got married in Vegas,” Hunter admitted, zipping the bag closed, throwing it over his shoulder as he walked past his dad into the living room. He just said it, like he hadn't just told them his biggest secret. Like he hadn't just bared his fucking soul.

 

“I've told you you shouldn't drink-” his mother chastised him.

 

“I wasn't drunk. I did it because I wanted to.” He threw the bag over his shoulder, suddenly desperate to get out of there. It didn't matter, them finding out, because he'd lost everything because he hadn't been brave enough before because he hadn't done what he should have _and Sebastian had just been lying there completely still with a bandage around his head and the machine beeping was the only thing telling Hunter his heart was still beating._

 

He'd lost Sebastian and now he'd almost lost him again and he had to make things right and Sebastian had to wake up because if he didn't _oh god please he just had to._

 

“He persuaded you to-” his mother insisted.

 

“No.” Hunter shook his head, breathing in deeply. “It was my idea.” Closing his eyes, he felt a bit lightheaded. He shoved his shaking hands into his pockets, fighting nausea. “I'm gay. I'm sorry.” He took a trembling breath. “I didn't choose this,” Hunter said brokenly, begging them silently to understand. To accept. To support. To still love him.

 

_I can't deal with this right now, I should be at the hospital, not here, not defending my love for a man who might never wake up. Never look at me again. Kiss me. Hold me. Touch me. Love me._

 

He blinked hard.

 

_Don't think about it._

 

“You could have chosen not to,” Hunter's mother said cooly.

 

“No, I-”

 

“Of course you could have,” his father snapped. “Instead you choose to lie to us for _years._ Because I assume this nonsense begun at _Dalton?”_ Hunter cringed, then nodded. “That school corrupted you,” his father continued, sneering. “I knew we shouldn't have sent you there. A show choir-scholarship,” he scoffed, then snorted. “We were practically asking for this.”

 

“Show choir didn't make me gay.” He didn't bother telling them he was bi-sexual. He was with Sebastian and that was all there was to it. “Falling in love with a guy did.”

 

“Two men can't love each other,” his mother stated simply. “It's wrong. Love is something between a man and a woman, not between two pansies.” Hunter shook his head in denial. “Don't argue with me, Hunter, you know I'm right. That's why you haven't told us, because you knew that what you were doing was wrong.” She sounded so reasonable, so logical, except her words were all wrong.

 

 _Then what is it I feel for him? What is it that makes my stomach flutter when he smiles_ like that _? What makes him able to still take my breath away even after five years? What is it that makes it so hard to breathe when he's hurt?_  


“This is a sign,” his father said, making Hunter focus on the pair of them again. “You can finally break free from that boy's corruptive influence. He's gotten his punishment, and you've gotten your chance at redemption.”

 

Hunter stared at them. It was like looking at two strangers. He'd known their reaction would be bad, but this...

 

_Bas would never judge me like this._

 

“So you're saying Sebastian deserved to be beaten half to death for loving me?” Hunter demanded. “To just lie there, while everyone who loves him suffers? What's _wrong_ with you?” Hunter exclaimed. “Where's your compassion? Where's your-”

 

“He corrupted our son,” his father snapped. “Turned him away from us. Made him lie to us. Confused him. Made him a faggot-”

 

“Do _not_ call me a faggot.” He'd had it. Had he denied Sebastian all these years for these two people? “I love him, I don't care if you won't believe that. And guess what? He loves me back. He doesn't judge me or expect me to me someone I'm not, he just loves me for who I am. And I've been terrible to him-” Hunter rambled, choking down a sob. It hurt. He was so angry at them and at himself but it still hurt. They were his parents for crying out loud. Weren't _they_ supposed to be the ones who loved him no matter what? The frustration made him want to scream, scream scream and scream until they got it.

 

“Listen to yourself Hunter! You're talking crazy. This is not the son I raised. He's completely corrupted you!” his father roared. “And now you're crying like a fucking pansy. Man-up, Hunter!”

 

“Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up!” Hunter violently threw the potted plant standing in one of the windows into a wall, the pot shattering and the dirt spreading everywhere. His parents stared at him in shock but quickly recovered.

 

“Will you do the right thing?” his mother asked softly. “Leave this mess behind? Find a nice girl to make you happy, have a real marriage?”

 

_'I want something real.'_

 

He heard Sebastian's voice as clear as if he'd been standing next to him. And there was only one answer.

 

“I'm with Sebastian,” Hunter said hoarsely. “He makes me happy.”

 

“Well.” His mother cleared her throat. “If that's your choice, you're no son of mine.” Very formal, very cold. Very final. Hunter nails cut into his palms.

 

_Please don't do this. I need you. I'm scared. He's dying. I need someone to hold on to. I need my parents more than ever. Comfort me, help me, please stop condemning me when I've done nothing wrong. Please please please. You can't do this to me. You just can't-_

 

“Dad?” he said tightly, turning towards him. His father studied him for a few moments, then put his arm around his mother.

 

“You've done this to yourself,” he said shortly. “If you change your mind we'll be be here, to help you get back on the right track.”

 

“I see.” Hunter closed his eyes briefly. “Then please leave my home. LEAVE!” he shouted when they didn't immediately move.

 

He didn't let himself feel anything when they literally walked out of his life, not even hesitating at the door. Hunter called a cab, made sure he'd gotten everything he needed, locked the door and left.

 

-'-'-

 

Hunter made a quick tour to Sebastian's apartment to feed mr Puss, heart hammering in his chest as soon as he left the hospital. He hadn't left Sebastian's side since he'd come back yesterday after fighting with his parents, sleeping fitfully in a chair at his bedside.

 

_What if he wakes up and I'm not there. What if he dies and I'm not there. Don't die don't die don't die howamIsupposedtolivewithoutyou?_

 

Picking up the cat, he petted him softly, hiding his face in the soft fur for a few moments. He didn't like leaving him alone all the time, being a very sociable cat he got lonely, Hunter could tell by the way Mr Puss had followed him around since he'd entered the apartment. Digging his phone out of his pocket, balancing the cat with one hand, he realized he'd forgotten to turn it back on after he'd turned it off yesterday upon returning to the ICU.

 

 _What if the hospital's called?_ he thought, panicking. No missed calls from unknown numbers and no voicemail. _If something had happened they'd leave a message, right?_

 

The phone ringing made him flinch him so bad he dropped it on the floor with a loud thud, making mr Puss startle.

 

“Hi Shelia,” he said, petting the cat in apology.

 

“Hi Hunt! I've been calling you for like two _days_. I thought you'd been abducted by aliens or something,” she joked. She'd called him every day since he and Sebastian broke up. Just chatting about this and that, reminding him he wasn't alone.

 

“No,” Hunter said, voice flat.

 

“Hunter? What's wrong?” _Where do I start?_ “Hunter? Talk to me.” _What do I say?_ “Hunter,” a bit hysterical, “you're freaking me out.”

 

”I'm so scared,” Hunter whispered suddenly, words escaping without his permission. “What if he doesn't wake up? What if he dies?”

 

“Who? What happened?” Shelia asked worriedly.

 

Somewhere along the way Hunter had forgotten that everyone else's lives went on, that it hadn't affected them, that they hadn't instinctively known that the world had changed so profoundly. Because it hadn't, not for them.

 

“Sebastian got bashed.”

 

Bashed sounded even worse than assaulted.

 

“Oh my god.”

 

-'-'-

 

“Hunter, I want you to consider carefully what I have to say,” doctor Brown said. He was a middle aged man with vaguely hispanic features, brown hair streaked with grey and a pair of discreet frameless spectacles.

 

“Okay,” Hunter answered, folding his hands in his lap. They were seated across from each other by Sebastian's bedside. Hunter rarely left the hospital, he did leave the ward when he couldn't stand to watch Sebastian's still body anymore. Then he'd walk over to visit Sebastian's father who'd transferred to the same hospital, or to the children's ward, playing and singing with the kids. He'd left the hospital three times in roughly a week, not able to stand being too far away from his husband, but unable to just sit and wait.

 

Shelia had been amazing. She looked after Mr Puss, letting him stay with her and her cat da Fonze. She also looked after both their apartments, making sure their flowers didn't wither and brought in their mail. She came daily to the hospital to keep Hunter company for an hour or two, bringing him fresh clothes and reminding him to eat.

 

Doctor Brown cleared his throat. “It's been eight days since your husband became comatose.”

 

“I know.” Hunter stared down at his hands. He knew what was coming, he just wished it wasn't.

 

“I'd like you to seriously consider what to do if Sebastian remains unresponsive.”

 

Hunter shook his head in denial. “He'll wake up,” he said steadily, because that was the only thing that kept him together.

 

_He'd never leave me._

 

He ignored the voice that whispered he'd already had once.

 

“He suffered severe head trauma when he was pushed down the stairs, the back of his skull smashing against the concrete.” Hunter shuddered at the mental image. “The longer it takes for him to wake up, the risk of brain damage increases.” Doctor Brown sighed. “He might not be the same man he was.” Hunter blinked hard. He would _not_ break down. Sebastian would wake up, and he'd be perfectly fine. He had to.

 

_This is my punishment._

 

He thought it before he could stop himself. It was ridiculous, because it was Sebastian laying there and not him, but if he'd just spoken up when they'd had their last fight. If he'd just said the right words and made Sebastian stay then maybe...

 

“I hear you, sir,” he said politely. “But Sebastian is my husband, and I'll never give up on him. I can't.” He shook his head. “I just can't.” The ever present anxiety pressed against his lounges, making it hard to breathe.

 

“Would you leave him like this for years?” doctor Brown said mercilessly. Hunter shook his head numbly. “For how long?” Hunter kept shaking his head. “I know it's difficult to hear, but you have to be strong for both your sakes. Hopefully he'll wake up, but-”

 

“He's capable of breathing on his own, that's a good sign, right?” Hunter cut in.

 

“If he stays this was that'll change,” doctor Brown said, sighing heavily. “We have several physiologists-”

 

“I'm already seeing one.” He turned away, focusing on Sebastian's face. The slight swelling had gone down, he looked pretty much like he used to. Except he was never this still. Sebastian's other injuries had been minor, he'd been pushed before too much damage had been done.

 

_Wake up._

 

“Good.”

 

“Please leave.” He reached out and took Sebastian's hand, squeezing it gently, smiling at him.

 

_Wake up._

 

“Hunter-”

 

“Please,” he repeated, voice breaking. He pressed Sebastian's hand to his face. Listening to the sound of doctor Brown's retreating footsteps, he tried to pull himself together. ”Remember that game we used to play in high school?” he asked, voice rough. “Let's play pretend, Bas.” Hunter stroked his hand. “Let's pretend these past five years didn't happen. Let's pretend that I said 'this is Sebastian, my boyfriend' at graduation. I guess that would have ruled out college for me, but we could still have shared a flat in New Haven.” He smiled, taking a shuddering breath. “Let's pretend I worked while you went to college, and everyone knew we were together, and they'd roll their eyes at us because honestly, who stays together with their high school boyfriend?” he tried to tease, the words coming out half-choked instead. “Let's pretend that I'd been brave enough to introduce you to everyone back home, and that I was brave enough to hold your hand each time I've wanted to these past years. Because then,” he squeezed his hand, “instead of going home alone, you'd already had been there, with me. Preparing to celebrate Christmas together, let's pretend it's something we do every year.” He kissed his wrist. “Then you wouldn't be here, like this, because you'd be home. With me. Like you should have been all along.” Hunter frowned when something dripped on Sebastian's hand. “And now you've made me cry. Wake up and tell me what a sap I am. Please. Please wake up, Bas,” he sobbed. “I know I let you down but you can't leave me. Give me a chance to make it up to you. I love you so much please don't leave me,” he begged silently, words barely coherent. “Sebastian, I can't. I just can't without you,” he told him, wishing he'd told him years ago, wishing he'd shown him every day.

 

He startled when someone put a hand on his shoulder. Blaine pulled him to his feet and into a tight hug. Hunter couldn't stop crying, it was too much. He clung to the shorter man, trying to cry out the pain but as long as Sebastian _just lay there_ how was it supposed not to hurt? He managed to calm himself down after awhile, still Blaine didn't let go and Hunter didn't make a move to step back.

 

“I just heard,” Blaine said softly, stroking his hair. “Tell me if you need anything, anything at all.” Hunter didn't answer, still shaking with aftershocks. “I know I'm not your favourite person-”

 

Hunter shook his head, stepping back. “You care about him.”

 

“I do.” Blaine agreed.

 

“And I get that you were trying to do what was best for him.” Hunter forcefully collected himself. He couldn't let his emotions get the upper hand. He hadn't cried since his parents had walked out on him a week ago, somehow keeping it together. He refused to fall apart now. “They want me to consider letting him die.” The words were out before he realized he'd said them. Blaine stared at him, mouth open in shock.

 

“W-what?” he stuttered. Hunter sat down heavily, head in his hands.

 

“What am I- I just-”

 

“How are you supposed to make that decision?” Blaine asked, aghast.

 

“I DON'T KNOW!” He hadn't meant to yell at Blaine, and the brunette seemed to get that. Blaine looked at Sebastian on the bed, his chest rising and falling the only indication he was still amongst the living.

 

“Fuck.”

 

-'-'-

 

Later that night, Hunter sat right next to Samuel Smythe when he died.

 

He held his hand and talked about Sebastian, not the current situation but fond memories. Silly stuff that had happened at _Dalton_ , stories Sebastian had told him about growing up -- anything to put Samuel at ease. Samuel wasn't very aware, high on morphine to spare him from the pain, but Hunter thought he got through. He felt scared and sick to his stomach because _a man was dying right in front of him and Sebastian should be here because the man on the bed was one of the most important people in his life and oh god what if he would be sitting like this in a week but holding Sebastian's hand inste- No._

 

Samuel smiled suddenly, green eyes lighting up, looking at Hunter. “Bas, you'll be just fine,” he assured him. Hunter nearly broke down at that. Seconds afterwards the hand in his became limp.

 

-'-'-

 

“It's Christmas tomorrow, Bas. Surely you're not going to miss that? It's your favourite holiday,” Hunter coaxed.

 

_Nine days. Shut up. Nine days, Hunter. How long will you leave him like this?_

 

“Mine too,” Shelia said, just walking through the door. She gave Hunter a peck on the cheek, then smothered Sebastian's hair back from his forehead, taking the still youth's hand. “I expect you to at least pretend you're happy about what I got you,” she told him.

 

“I got him a miniature _Tardis_ , something tells me you can't beat that.” Hunter got up and walked over to the window, his back against them. The grounds were decorated, not a lot, but still enough to be a bit cheery. The lump in his throat was slowly choking him, he needed to breathe but there wasn't enough air. He'd imagined the delighted expression on Sebastian's face when he'd ordered the gift almost a month ago. Now he wondered if he'd ever see any expression at all on the familiar features.

 

“I got him a full size _Tardis_!” Shelia claimed, as always trying to make him smile.

 

“Sure,” Hunter drawled.

 

“Oh fine. I just got him a gift-certificate to the cinema,” she moped.

 

“And that's why he married me and not you,” Hunter said, eyes following a kid running around outside, playing. He definitely wanted kids, the time spent in the Children's Ward had settled that decision once and for all.

 

_I think I want two. One to start with, a boy because maybe it'd be a bit easier. But I'd want a little girl as well, and I'd do my best to stop you from spoiling her rotten. We've never talked about kids, but I think you'd be a great dad, Bas. Not that I'd admit it, but you'd be the fun parent and I'd be the strict one._

 

He swallowed a lump in his throat.

 

_You just have to wake up so we can discuss it._

 

“Him being gay had absolutely nothing to do with it,” Shelia snarked.

 

“Nope.” Hunter smiled to himself, twisting the ring on his finger automatically. He'd put it on when he'd gotten back to the hospital the first time, and hadn't taken it off since.

 

“Now what does that say about you?” Shelia asked.

 

“I make an excellent sugar daddy?” Hunter suggested, still watching the kid.

 

“Hunter he moved.” Shelia's voice sounded almost panicky.

 

“What?” He was by Sebastian's side in a heartbeat.

 

“His fingers, they, they sort of twitched.” They stared at each other, Hunter taking Sebastian's other hand.

 

“Bas. Bas can you hear me? Move you fingers if you can hear me,” Hunter said tensely, staring at the hand in his. He turned his gaze toward's Sebastian's face. “Nurse! Nurse his eyelids fluttered!”

 

-'-'-

 

Sebastian missed Christmas, but they watched the fireworks on New Years Eve together from the window in his room at the hospital. Hunter had his arms around his waist, sitting behind him on the bed they'd moved, a blanked draped around them both.

 

“Are you sure Mr Puss isn't alone? You know he hates the noise,” Sebastian asked once again, snuggling back against his chest.

 

“Yes, Bas, Shelia is with him. She even got him a friend,” Hunter assured him for the fourth time, pressing a kiss into his hair, linking their fingers together. He hadn't been able to stop touching him since he woke up, holding his hand, sitting close to him, constantly reminding himself _he's there._ They would have to talk about getting back together, even though they already were. When Sebastian had become lucid Hunter had told him he was here to stay, telling him he was done hiding. Sebastian had accepted a kiss, right in front of the nurse checking his IV, and that had been that. All problems hadn't just gone away, but they'd be okay, for real this time.

 

“Hey,” Sebastian turned his head, wiping a tear from Hunter's cheek. Hunter looked at it, surprised. “You are such a sap, you know that?” Sebastian teased halfheartedly.

 

Hunter kissed him, laughing and crying at the same time.

 

-'-'-

 

“Nice ring.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“I got one just like it.”

 

“I can see that.”

 

“It suits you.”

 

“You know, that's what I thought, so I burned the divorce papers.”

 

“You _burned_ them?” A smile tugged at Sebastian's lips. “Drama queen.”

 

-'-'-

 

Hunter took a deep breath, he'd been dreading this conversation but it wasn't fair to put it off. “Your dad-”

 

“I know,” Sebastian said calmly, pulling the up comforter around himself. Hunter looked at him in surprise.

 

“You... do?”

 

“He hasn't been here this past week,” Sebastian said, making Hunter feel like an idiot. “And,” he paused. “When I was comatose, I had the weirdest dream...” Sebastian's eyes narrowed. “I don't really remember any details. My dad was there, talking to me...” Sebastian frowned. “And when I woke up I just knew.”

 

“I'm sorry, Bas.”

 

“I miss him.” Sebastian said sadly, staring emptily in front of him, sorrow making him look years older.

 

“You got me.” Hunter squeezed his hand, resolving once again to keep the promise he'd made Samuel Smythe.

 

-'-'-

 

When Sebastian started complaining, Hunter knew he would be just fine.

 

“Where's my cat?” Sebastian demanded. It was a miracle, the doctors had told them. Except for losing the memory of the assault, Sebastian would be fine, almost as good as new. His back bothered him a bit and he got headaches, but considering the alternative...

 

He still needed to stay for observation for at least another week though, to his dismay.

 

“As I've told you, he's with Shelia,” Hunter said, barely hiding his amusement.

 

“Does he miss me?” Sebastian asked, like mr Puss would have left a message with Hunter.

 

“...he hasn't said.”

 

“Does she give him tuna on Sundays?”

 

“Yes, Sebastian, Mr Puss gets his Sunday dinner, don't worry.”

 

“Does she- mmmpf.”

 

-'-'-

 

“...haven't seen your parents around,” Sebastian said carefully, resting in bed, Hunter sitting next to him. The weeks they'd been here they hadn't talked about it. Hunter had been avoiding it, not ready to deal with all the pain and anger. He'd told him he'd come out to them, well, everyone really. He'd never forget Sebastian's dumbstruck face.

 

“I'm an orphan,” Hunter answered shortly.

 

“Fuck, Hunt, I'm-”

 

“I know. I was stupid,” he sighed, shaking his head.

 

“What?” Sebastian frowned.

 

“I said, I was stupid,” Hunter repeated.

 

“I heard you. Why?”

 

“Because,” Hunter interlaced their fingers, because Sebastian had looked worried for a moment. “I spent years trying to be someone I'm not, hurting someone who loves me unconditionally to please people who never really loved me at all.” It did sound a bit rehearsed, which it might unconsciously have been. He'd given it a lot of thought as he'd waited for Sebastian to wake up.

 

“I wasn't I saint either, though,” Sebastian offered.

 

“We'll talk this through properly one day,” Hunter said, not really wanting to deal with the past right now. They were together, right at this moment. The rest could be solved eventually.

 

Sebastian was quiet for awhile, then squeezed his hand. “Was it bad? You parents,” he clarified.

 

“Yes. Let's just leave it at that, please? For now,” Hunter added. He needed to talk about it but too many bad things had happened lately and right now he wanted to focus on the good parts. Like Sebastian tugging at his hand, looking at him.

 

“I love you,” Sebastian said simply.

 

“I tolerate you on a general basis,” Hunter sassed.

 

“Charmer,” Sebastian said dryly, then burst out laughing.

 

-'-'-

 

Hunter stood outside the main entrance to the hospital, huddling in on himself in the cold, arms around his body. It was the end of January and Sebastian was finally allowed to go home. His husband's expression was a bit anxious as he looked around before spotting Hunter standing off to the side. Hunter felt a pang of sorrow at that, resolving to help him get his entire confidence back.

 

_He's the most important person in my life. He's more than enough and I love him more than anything. And I'll remind him of that, every day. I'm not losing him again._

 

“There you are.” Sebastian looked briefly relived, but quickly hid it as he walked up to stand in front of him.

 

“Here I am.” Hunter kept both arms around himself but took a step forward. Sebastian hesitated, so Hunter got up on his tiptoes and pecked him on the lips. When he looked up at him, Sebastian's eyes were closed. He slowly opened them, huffing out a small breath, smiling. Hunter's stomach did that fluttering thing _because he was there and he was fine and he was smiling at Hunter._ Sebastian suddenly frowned, looking down into Hunter's jacket, then lit up like a christmas tree.

 

“Is that...?” Hunter grinned, nodding, _very_ pleased with himself, unzipping his jacked to give Sebastian a better look. “I've missed you so much!” Sebastian carefully swept mr Puss up into his arms, the cat purring loudly, butting his head against his master's face. “I love you too,” he assured him, quickly opening his own jacket, nestling the cat against his chest. Hunter helped him with the zipper, mindful of the fluffy white fur. “Has it been awful? Don't worry, I'll take care of you properly from now on. Tell you what, let's go for ice cream,” Sebastian cooed.

 

“Bas, it's January.” They began walking towards the car, Hunter slipping his arm around Sebastian's waist, Sebastian's attention seemingly completely focused on the purring furball in his arms. He leaned into his touch though, eyes flickering to him for a second before returning to the cat.

 

“I know. Point?” Sebastian's eyes were shining and he wouldn't stop smiling. He snuggled the cat against him, opening the jacket as soon as he sat down in the car.

 

Hunter snorted. “Nothing. Let's go for ice cream.”

 

**SUPER IMPORTANT AN: Wipe your tears folks! It doesn't end here! I won't write a sequel, but I'll be taking prompts for one-shots in the 'fools-verse'. If you feel like there are scenes missing you would have liked to have read, or if you just want some serious fluff, angst etc, tell me and I'll do my best to write it. Either leave a review here, or write to me on my tumblr (dorianbeingawesome) and I'll do my best. You can find the fulfilled prompts here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/750170  -Dorian**


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